Once we locate the studio-of course, it will be in the basement-we’ll identify the computer containing the hard drive that contains the unreleased album and easily login using the shockingly easy password “password.” I'll shuffle through my blueprints trying to pinpoint his studio, Ron will put black tape over the surveillance cameras, Jessica will stand at the window keeping guard, and Nick Cannon will loudly complain he has nothing to do and doesn’t feel useful, but I'll tell him to calm down and stop wild 'n out. And it’s not unfathomable to think there could be guards, but I will cunningly knock them out with skills I learned from a Taekwondo class I took in a strip mall. My boy Xavier will deactivate the security system. Once Eminem is in LA for our non-existent meeting, I will sneak into his house.
I’ll tell him that I wanna discuss a film called 7 Mile, an 8 Mile prequel that is a deep dive into his mom cooking the spaghetti. I’m going to call Eminem pretending to be a Hollywood agent who wants to fly him out for an important meeting in Los Angeles.
Oh, and there’s also my friend Jessica, who’s mostly joining us just so it’s not a sausage fest.Īs for my plan, it's flawless.
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